Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
