Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
