smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
