The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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