i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
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