he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
