where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
