What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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