id be glad to
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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