you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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