apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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