just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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