ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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