Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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