I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
