if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Randomize
