he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
