I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
