What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Randomize
