dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
