Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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