Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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