you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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