she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
