I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Every concussion has its silver lining
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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