At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
