the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
