Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
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