I've blown a few things in my day
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
