Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
