I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
You've changed since you got that strap on
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
