just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
