I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize