I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize