I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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