Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
