Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Randomize
