Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
