Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
