Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Randomize
