what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize