1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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