not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
