I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
