Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
