My room smells like vodka and shame
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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