I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
