FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
