Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
