All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Randomize
