Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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