I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
