I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
My ATM looks so different sober.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Randomize
