i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
