Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize