Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
