i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
