mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
