This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Houston, we have a blender
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
