I must be too annoying 4 u.
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Randomize
