I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
