There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
