i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
