Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
