Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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