someone threw a dead crab at me
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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