I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Your penis caused this!
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
