I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
sarcasm needs its own font
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
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