he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
