ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
We have so much sex to catch up on
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
