i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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