All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
