I think I died a long time ago.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
